Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
