can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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