i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
