Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
love makes seman taste better
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
