You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
