on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
