According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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