just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
