I hate your face
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
