I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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