jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
