nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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