You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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