At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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