Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize