so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
