STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
