He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
