its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
