she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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