Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
