3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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