Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
