i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
