i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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