I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
