I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
