I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
