just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
