he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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