Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
