it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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