I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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