You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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