so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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