Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
