You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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