Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
