Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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