dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
