Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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