i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize