oh god the rape fog is back!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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