there's paper in my vomit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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