Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
