College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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