you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
