There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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