on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i now understand why vodka
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
