I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
