I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
