He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
