Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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