just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
