Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't deserve a penis
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
