Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
