i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
