I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
