I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
