I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
