4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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