he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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