Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
