You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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