i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think people are normalizing furries
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
