I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
