you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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