im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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