After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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