going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
