Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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