Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
