ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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