ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
