sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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